


If I talk, will you listen?

by The_jean_kirschtein



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:25:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1798771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_jean_kirschtein/pseuds/The_jean_kirschtein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Hanji have a late night talk about the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I talk, will you listen?

"Levi?"

With moonlight as the only surviving source of light, Levi’s quarters gave an eerie feeling that no one was there. Every item was in perfect order; not a paper out of place. A floorboard creaked under Hanjis feet. Quickly looking down at the guilty board and back to the bed in hope he was not stirred. Levi was one known for his light sleeping. After living in the underground for so long, and being a thug, he was bound to make enemies looking to hang his head over their mantle as a trophy. The man made no movements. Hanji stopped herself from allowing a sigh escape. 

Why was she so nervous? She and Levi had been friends for years. Waking him up in the middle of the night was noting out of the usual, but tonight gave her stomach butterflies. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Hanji would have waves where she would feel so alone and upset over everything. Levi had always said it was her lack of sleep getting to her. Maybe he was correct. Staying up late on most nights gave her anxiety after weeks of nearly no sleep. There was too much to do. Too many experiments and research to cover. 

Hanji stood at the edge of Levi’s bed. He had curled himself into a small ball with a hand under his pillow, likely holding a knife if someone were to attempt an assassination. “Levi?” Hanji said again. Louder this time to stir him awake with no startle.

"Hm?" He mumbled back, half asleep. 

"May I sleep with you? I’m not feeling well."

"If you’re sick, I don’t want you within a sixty foot radius of me."

"No, i’m not sick. My head doesn’t feel well. Too many thoughts."

Levi uncoiled himself from the ball of warmth to face her, moving to the other side of the bed to create enough space for her to lay comfortably next to him. “I’m giving up my warm spot for you, be thankful.”

"I am." Lifting the blankets, Hanji quickly got in to preserve the heat. She’ll never forget how warm it was under Levi’s sheets. He was a wonderful person to sleep with: very warm, small for cuddling, and smelled nice. "Thank you."

After moments with the only noise was Levi breathing, he sat up and looked down at her. “You come in here to mess with my sleeping, your head’s not well. Clearly you haven’t been sleeping. But, and i’m real proud of this, you washed yourself before you came here. Good for you, you found the first way into my bed.” Levi paused, as if he were waiting for Hanji to laugh at his monotone joke. When Hanji never laughed, he continued. “Okay, what’s fucking with you? You only come in here when you have something to say. What’s so important tonight? Think of some other way we could dick around with Eren in his titan form?” Levi leaned against the headboard, Hanji guessed to keep himself awake. “I’m all ears.” 

Hanji kept her gaze on the window with the moon in the corner. “It’s difficult. Thinking of the past, really. About everyone. Everyone had a life before this. A life where they didn’t have to worry so much about whether they’ll live another day. Whether they’ll hug another friend. Whether they’ll see someone they love. And these kids, these poor kids we have caught in the middle of it all. We had years before we were forced to give everything up like this. I remember my parents and my sisters. Didn’t Erwin have a brother? Your old squad’s families. Sometimes it gets hard to think that all these people you’ve only known as soldiers had lives and loved ones before they were forced to give it all up to die for something we aren’t even sure that we’ll conquer.”

"Why do you even think this shit up?" Levi gave a sigh and slumped over on the bed. "Life isn’t fair, we’re all living proof of that. It’s fucking stupid that you think that everyone had great lives before they joined the army. My life was over the second I was born into Kaney’s grasp. He beat the shit out of me until I figured out how to grow up. Compared to that, the army is a sigh of relief. If you think that watching someone get ripped apart by a titan is bad, imagine being the one tearing someone to pieces. Not pretty. But it’s how I grew up and I had no other option. Mikasa watched her dad and two mothers die to be left with her adopted brother. Those two have seen hell. Arlerts parent’s were sent of in the suicide missions to kill people off so we’ll have more food for ourselves. Tough. We just found Connie’s town destroyed and his siblings and parent’s with it. Kirschtein lost Trost. It was regained, but who knows who he lost there. He never talks of his parent’s. Maybe they died and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Historia is lost and Sasha, I don’t know about her. We are all just a bunch of fucked up people fighting the things that fucked us up. Our lives suck enough where we don’t have much to lose."

"But surely you must have had someone that you loved back before you came here?" Hanji almost sounded desperate. As stoic as Levi was, no one lives a life without loving at least one person. "You must have had a girlfriend. What about Isabel and Farlan?"

"Well, they’re gone, now aren’t they?" Levi rolled over to face Hanji. "So is my mom. She disappeared when I was nine. Probably thanks to my sweet daddy. I had a girl once when I was seventeen, but she disappeared too. She looked kind of like Historia. A nice girl. Shame she was stuck in a shit place like that. She deserved royalty and all she got was some poor fucker that couldn’t even afford to buy her a cup of tea on the weekends." 

"Oh." Hanji was at a loss of words once Levi finished. He never spoke much of his time living in the underground. Only speaking ill of the conditions and people who looked like they had died months beforehand. Hearing of a lover was something new. Any could assume that Levi had never touched a woman in intimacy for the way he acts sociably. Prying any further into his past could trigger him to force her to leave. Everything about him was curious. And Hanji was a curious person. "Who do you look more like, your mom or your dad?"

"Do you see this baby-face? My mom. Why?" 

"Oh, nothing."

"Like fuck it is."

"Okay, fine. I’m just all curious about you now. You never talk about your time in the underground."

Levi sat up to cut off her sentence. “Because it was fucking shitty. The smell of people who haven’t bathed in years and people throwing up on the streets only to fucking fall asleep in it. It’s fowl. Why the fuck would I ever talk about it? There’s a reason I don’t talk about and i’m not going to start.” 

"Oh, come on-"

"No."

"Fine. I’ll get you one day. I’ll know all about your shitty life."

"You really don’t want to."

"Sure I do."

"Shut up."

Hanji giggled and lay her head on his lap, wrapping her arms around his waist. Just as quickly as she got in, he shut her out. Her mind still wondered about all the other comrades she had grown to know and lose throughout her service in the military. Nothing was sadder than a burning day, watching all the young kids ashes rise into the sky, making it to the heavens they were too young to see.

"Are you going to sleep? There’s no way i’m going to let you fall asleep while i’m sitting here." Levi broke the silence with a minor irritated tone. 

"I doubt i’ll fall asleep."

"Then why- ? Okay. Fine. Do you have much else to say?" 

"Not really. You’re right. Everything sucks, but I like to keep a good outlook on it all. You never know, we could win this. And once we do, we’ll go find that pretty girl back home."

"Nah. It’s fine. I don’t need her anymore."

"Really? Why?"

"It was a stupid crush that got me laid. We knew it wasn't going to last for the conditions we were in but at least the sex was good."

"At least for that."

"Shut it. When it’s all you've got, you take it. Besides, I think there’s something else on my mind."

"Ooo, what? Who? Is it a girl?"

"No, it’s a guy because I just love to take dick, of course it’s a girl."

"Who is it? You don’t really associate with anyone outside the legion so it must be someone inside."

"It doesn't matter."

"Whatever you say, captain."

Hanji felt fingers running through her hair, combing through the tangles that had formed as her hair dried. Slipping her hands under Levi’s shirt, she pulled herself closer to his torso to feel his radiating warmth. She was forced to let go as Levi pushed himself under the sheets once more, taking his shirt off once he got to the position he wanted. Tossing his shirt to the end of the bed, Levi lay on his back with an arm out as an invitation for Hanji to join him. Gladly accepting, Hanji wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. 

"We didn't say much, but i’m glad we talked." Hanji sleepily spoke.

"Didn't talk much? I spoke a fucking novel." Levi said as he turned to face Hanji, draping his fee arm over her shoulder to continue stroking her hair. "I’m tired so if you want to talk, it’ll have to wait until the sun comes up at least."

With a silent agreement, Hanji pressed herself against Levi more. Having him around made her feel safe and down to earth. He never fluffed up a situation. He was always realistic with how the world was: shitty. Feeling him stroke her hair gave her more comfort than his presence ever had. Having his affection made her want to hold onto him forever. 

His fingers slowed and stopped, resting in a mess of her hair and the bed. Hanji could feel his heartbeat through his slow moving chest. To her, he seemed so calm. He was always so calm. She loved that about him. His sleep was infectious, making her eyes droop to a close and letting the rhythm of his heartbeat be a lullaby that rocked her to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic that i've ever finished. I'm good with constructive criticism so tell me what I can improve on. Please don't be rude about any of this.


End file.
